The Slob Mountain Inner Circle sat at a table in front of the group, looking powerful and forbidding. There was also an important representative present from the Cleverclogs Knitting Company, who spoke about the advantages of knitting under his company's contract, and presented the International Upper Slobbovian Ladies' Knitting Circle with a fat cheque to encourage people to knit the new Ugly Patterns.
One tall, heavy-set, Lower Slobbovian woman at the front table, who had more than a suggestion of a beard, was a very loud advocate of Ugly Patterns. She seemed to be the real leader, although she allowed her pretty young girlfriend to act as chairman of the meeting. The older woman gave a speech before the group, saying, "While it is true that traditional Upper Slobbovian patterns once came from Upper Slobbovia, we have it on good authority that all the ladies in Upper Slobbovia are dead. If they aren't, they certainly should be. What's more, this crap about a new pattern from Old Slobbovia is a fraud! Everybody knows the authorities in Old Slobbovia prohibited knitting years ago. So Slob Mountain is now the only true center of Upper Slobbovian knitting traditions, and the International Upper Slobbovian Ladies' Knitting Circle is the guardian and keeper of those traditions." And nodding toward the Upper Slobbovian lady, she continued, "You Upper Slobbovian ladies are history now. You're a thing of the past -- you never really knew how to knit, anyway. Your achievement is insignificant. You might have passed on a pattern or two, years ago, but our Ugly Patterns are the only ones that count now." And she continued with a discussion of all the many Ugly Patterns which she and her Slob Mountain Inner Circle had invented.
Posted by jjeffrey at November 6, 2003 06:34 PM